I’ve spoken before about my father, his penchant for debate, and that infamous expression he always used: “You’re wrong and I’ll tell you WHY you’re wrong.”
After 18 years of this, I got very tired of it.
I can also get very tired of people who have to be right all the time.
Just for the record, I make no claims to be right any percentage of the time. I know what’s right for me. I know what I believe to be true, for me. But for other people? It’s their business.
I have an acquaintance who insists on being right all the time. Over the years, she’s gotten cagey at this, by saying such things as, “I’ve figured this out by doing such and such. You might want to try it.” In other words, “Hey, stupid, this is the way to do it.”
No one else can be right, or even half-way right. When they offer a suggestion, she counters it with objections. “Yes, but…” When I wrote books for the psychological group (my non-fiction ghost writing career), I ran into the mythical Yeahbut on numerous occasions. As in, “Yeah, but I don’t think…” or “Yeah, but I didn’t mean to…”, etc.
The Yeahbut is alive and well in her world.
I cope with this acquaintance by ignoring her, mostly. When push comes to shove, I tell her, “Yes, you’re right. I was wrong.” It seems to be what she needs, craves, and most desires, and it really doesn’t bother me to appear “wrong” in her eyes.
What she doesn’t realize is that whatever drives her to be right also drives other people away. She wears on people, and they avoid her when they can. I would tell her what’s she doing, but she would just disagree with me, counter my points, and tell me where I’m wrong.
However, she has been a great object lesson for me. Whenever I’m tempted to correct someone, I shut up.
How about you? Any people who absolutely, positively, completely have to be right all the time in your life?
Yes, at work. There are some people who think they know best. There are a few people that will not admint to making a mistake. They insist they didn’t do it, or there way is always right. Even though you can prove to them they made that mistake, they go on and on that no way. very frustrating
I had people like that at The Big Bank. Made every day a little fun (mucho sarcasm, there).
I have a sister with an Alpha personality. She can only see things one way. Her way. She will argue until the cows come home. I learned long ago to just agree. I don’t see her often, so it’s worth it to keep the peace.
I do the same with some people I know, Mary. Thank heavens I’m not related to them, however.
Oh, you betcha. However, they are the ones that, upon the advice of my younger son, I weed from my life. He keeps telling me to get rid of negativity and negative people from my life. I have done that with several people. While I’ve felt somewhat guilty about it, I can say that it’s nice to not have them intruding on my life.
This person you mention is pathetic because her self-esteem is nil. Rather than subject yourself to her, just slowly not be available to her. Take my son’s advice. It works. Life is too short to have to put up with obnoxious people!!
Your son is brilliant. I’ve weeded people from my life if all they can do is moan, complain, and kvetch. Let’s look to the bright side of things. Let’s find the good. Sometimes, it’s not easy, but it can be done.
My mother had to be ‘right’ all the time. And do NOT argue with her, because in the end…..she made your life miserable…and compromise? Not in her lifetime…..As for agreeing with her….NO…you had to let it run its’ course. Let her have her say and then ignore and go about what you were doing, or you would never get away.
That was my dad, Sandy. He prided himself on never saying, “I’m sorry.” Rolling eyes here.
OH YES!!!
Unfortunately, I don’t dare say who or I’d be in HUGE trouble. I’ve learned from vast years of experience that it’s best that when the contrary to what I might say comes, and it will, it’s best to just change the subject or leave the room – whichever is most feasible. LOL!!
This person is so argumentative that if I say the sky is blue, it WILL be argued. I’ve even been tempted on occasion to use the dreaded “whatever” but I hate that expression so I don’t. Silence is the better way to go and let the subject fade. You hope.
Of course, sometimes this person doesn’t let it go and then that’s when escape is the better part of valor. : )
Run, Amy, run like the wind! Escape IS the better part of valor!
My father in law, enough said.
Z
I totally understand!
Yep my husband! I asked him once if he’d rather be happy or right and he answered right!
Another thing that gets me are people that say something (usually not nice) and then add “just kidding” – no they weren’t and that doesn’t get them off the hook with me and if you are going to say something, just say it and stand by it!
Funny!
Now, about the “just kidding” I so totally agree with you. Don’t say it if you can’t own it.
This is not in the same vein at all, just another thing that irks me about some people. When they lead you down the garden path.
“You’ll never guess what happened to me today!”
“Oh, what?”
“It was so wonderful. So unbelievable!”
“What was it?”
“I can’t say, I’m sorry.”
Right about that time, I’m ready to slap them.
Oh Yeah! But…. I generally can ignore them – at least eventually. Particularly if it really doesn’t effect me. If they are trying to convince me of something, I get to ignore that too….because the people who are like this aren’t close enough to matter enough to me. Fortunately, those who I am close to in my family aren’t like that.
How lucky you are!
I’m down to just my son and myself as far as family goes, and I love the guy with all my heart. Plus, he knows better than to argue with me. LOL.
I think we all have these type of people that cross our paths. My DH’s mother is the worst I’ve ever came across. Thank goodness she’s in Pa. and I’m in NC. or you probably would have already read about me in the national news. “Woman slays skin off another woman with tweezers”. I can see the headlines now. It’s how we handle those encounters that counts. I try to take the high road and let them think they are right or in control, then walk away. Standing there arguing will accomplish nothing. It’s easier for me to let go than for them, evidently.
I forgot to ask…..are you feeling any better today?
I don’t look so much like a badger today. You know, everyone looks like an animal. I look like a badger when my eyes are swollen. It’s really kind of sad. I picture myself as this regal lioness.
I stood there, staring in the mirror this morning. Nope, definitely badger.
I feel fine, though. Thank you for asking!
Oh, Leah, I love your headline – I can totally visualize it!! Thanks for the chuckle!!
Funny, Leah!
I had a mother-in-law like that, too. Fortunately, she only spoke Russian and I always pretended not to understand one of my sisters-in-law when she translated.
Oh, yes, I know lots of people like that Which is why I am so quiet. It really isn’t because ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything’ or because I’m just a ‘great listener’ – it’s self-preservation!
I’m quiet in different situations. If I know you, then I’ll be myself. Otherwise, I’m the mouse in the corner.
oh yeah. and i don’t see them often, or at all. some being family,
i made the choice to NOT see them often. for various reasons
i won’t go into, i haven’t been called on it. same with nonfamily
yeahbutters.
The older I get, Anne, the more selective I become about the people I want around me.
Whatever – HAHAHA I love that word. Sorry but I do. It terminate many discussion, so much that my daughter gave a t-shirt with “that word” in bling on it. LOL I know, it is not nice to say it, but it did save me from many arguments. I just pointed at it and left the room
I have wanted to have a flashcard, Christiane, that said the same thing. Just hold it up and the conversation ends.
I am afraid that I see myself in the picture you paint of your friend. Hummmmm, I need to re-look at this about myself. Yes, I can
make excuses to say, I correct so that they have the story right
and do not continue to repeat wrong info. But who made me
the encyclopedia?? But I will say also in my defense, if I find
out I was wrong, I go back and tell that person. But again, I just
need to let the conversation flow. Thanks, Helen in Ark.
Sometimes, we see most clearly the flaws of others, Helen, because they exist in ourselves. I, too, have been mucho guilty of wanting to be right, and informing people of their wrongs.
I have had to slap myself upside the head to stop it. I’m not entirely certain that I’ve eradicated the tendency completely.